It seems like my old friend Death is knocking on my door again.
I'm tired of running away from him.
I don't want to run anymore.
I want to end this once and for all.

But then what?
Where will I go?

I want my funeral to be a happy one.
You can all mock me with your laughter.
I doubt people with attend my wake.
They don't care.

I hate the water.
I can't help but drown.

I hate getting close to people.
They all leave me in the end and talk about me behind my back.
You love me when you need me to do you a favor.
Or else, I'm more than the wind.

I want to say I'm sorry.
I'm done.

I'm sorry I ignored you because I was hurt.
I'm sorry you wasted your time on me.
I was never worth it - I'm still not worth it.
I will never amount to anything.

I'm tired.
I have one scar too many.

You tell me I don't know how it feels to be on the battlefield.
I don't but I've got my own war inside me.
I'm not winning. I don't have enough ammo.
My ammo are the moments when I felt truly happy and alive.

Let my death not be the end but the beginning.
The beginning of my eternal peace.

I hope nobody else will be like me.
A person who's approaching the unthinkable like an old friend.
We have been long acquainted.
He was there for me when everybody else left me.

To my old friend,
I welcome you with open arms.

To all of you,
Are you happy now?